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In JLI # 21, Oberon had tea and lunch with Darkseid. However, instead
of _showing_ us what could possibly be the most sublime tea and lunch
in comics history, they _tell_ us about it after the fact.
I here endeavor to provide my version of some of that tea and lunch
between Oberon and Darkseid.
--
"Please pass th' mustard, Darkseid."
"Here you go."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome. More tea?"
"Eh, no. I'm good. But, uh..."
"Have to use the bathroom?"
"Yeah."
"Second door down the hall, on the left. Make sure you go to the
left; the right will burn the flesh from your bones."
"Thanks."
Later.
"Did you flush?"
"Of course."
Darkseid sniffs the air. "Was it number one or number two?"
"Eh, number two."
"Next time, flush twice."
"Sorry, I didn't know."
"I better go light a match."
"I'm sorry. It's just, italian food..."
"I know, I know. Gives me the runs, too."
"Um."
"Do you know what it's like to have diarrhea and an anus made of
rocks?"
"I noticed the bidet."
"Well, I can't really wipe, can I? Rips the paper to shreds. My
compliments, by the way."
"What about?"
"Knowing it was a bidet. When Superman came by the last time, he
thought it was a toilet."
"Really, Superman?"
"Well, that's what he said. I think he was just thought it was
funny to take a shit in my bidet. Fucking asshole. Fucking unsanitary
asshole. You know, once I get ahold of the Anti-Life Equation and
negate all free will, none of this bullshit is going to happen."
--Tom Russell
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