Standing all alone and completely motionless, in deep space, the Jupiter
Mining Cor****ation Space ****p: Red Dwarf, by the Planet, where the
SSS Esperanto, is situated...
In a corridor on the Jupiter Mining Cor****ation Space ****p: Red Dwarf,
a young man with dreadlocks, is seen kneeling, on the floor, and he is in
a very tearful state, indeed.
In a very shadowy area of the corridor, just around the corner, completely
out of sight, of Dave Lister, are two, very dusty looking, blue coloured,
Skutters, whose amputeed giraffe like, cobwebby covered, heads, are
nodding, in sympathy, definitely look like, they are discussing,
something,
very serious, with one another, by the looks of things...
As Lister, is still sobbing his little heart out, the two Skutters, nodded
their amputeed giraffe like, cobwebby covered, heads together, in
agreement, and then, they suddenly decide, to turn around, in the
direction of the Medi-bay, and why do they want, to go to the Medi-bay?
In good time, all will soon, be revealed...
At that point in time, Dave Lister thought, that he had lost everything.
After
all, he had lost, the best part of four years of his life, thanks to being
unconscious, in the medi-game, for the best part of two years, and not to
mention, yet another, four hundred years (added to the three million and
four years, that he had already lost, since the radiation incident), in
stasis,
on Starbug, and he had also, lost Krissie, all over again, because in
this
present timeline, she was dead to him, once again. And, she had only been,
Rimmer all along, anyway, which had basically, been done, to give him, a
sense of sanity, at the time, and it had also saved his life, into the
bargain,
when it had actually come down to it, at the end of the day!
His relation****p with Rimmer, was well and truly, on the rocks, yet again!
Not that, it had ever, truly been off the rocks, to begin with, when it
actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But that said, there had
been a great deal of stability, between them lately, and it would have
been,
rather nice, to have got it back again, just to keep his morale up, and
give
him a sense of discipline, which would have enabled, them all, to have
made,
the great achievement, of getting all of their smegging belongings,
unpacked
off Starbug, by now, at the very least!
And Rimmer, would also have been able, to keep the Cat, in line, to a
certain extent, which would have enabled him, to help them ****ft, another
twenty of his smegging suit racks, to his quarters, at the very least,
anyhow!
And, it was his own smegging fault, that Rimmer, was not around, and
unable, to give them all, a sense of discipline, on the ****p! And Rimmer
had also saved his, and his fellow Dwarfer's lives, from the attack, via
their future selves, and by pretending, to be the hologrammatic Rimmer,
who had supposedly left, his fellow Dwarfer's, to become another Ace
Rimmer, so that, he could tem****arily return, as Kristine Kochanski, only
to return, as a pre-radiation incident, Rimmer, once again, supposedly
restored,
via the nanobots, in the medi-game, for the best part of four years! And
somehow, one way or another, he had also managed, to split himself up, as
Kristine Kochanski, into the bargain! And, he had also had to pretend,
that
the Dwarf was disintegrating, via a corrosive micro-organism, and they had
all disappeared, into a parallel universe, which would enable them all, to
supposedly obtain, an antidote, which would hopefully, neutralise the
corrosive negativity of the microbe, which in turn, would save the Dwarf,
and Rimmer, had narrowedly, avoided death, yet again! And somehow,
one way, or another, they had all, ended up back, on Starbug, in their
own timeline, which had obviously, been the only way, that they could
all, exit the medi-game, when it actually came down to it, at the end of
the day!
And it had taken, all that time, to finally bring him out of the coma, and
he
hadn't even said, as much, as thank you, to Rimmer, because he had been,
far too upset, and insulted, that Rimmer had been pretending, to be
Kochanski, all along, and he hadn't even begun, to show him, any sign of
gratitude, whatsoever! But Lister, had vowed, earlier on, that he would do
everything in his power, to make it up to him, when Holly eventually got
round to re-initialising him, back on the Dwarf, that is...! And thanks to
Lister, losing his temper, there may have been a very slight possibility,
that
Lister may have done, some serious damage, to Rimmer's light bee! If Holly
could re-initialise him, in the Hologram Simulation Suite, that is...!
Lister
thought. And he prayed to God, that the damage, that had been done, to his
light bee, wasn't irreparable!And now, Kryten was also out of action, and
there was no way, that he could find the strength, to move, the poor
droid,
into the lift, especially, as he weighed a ton, let alone, carry him, to
his
quarters,
and re-charge him! And that had also been thanks, to the Cat, demanding
Kryten's help, via moving his smegging suit racks, to his quarters, off
Starbug!
And not to mention, having to move Rimmer and Lister's trunks, to their
quarters! And therefore, Kryten's system, had not been able, to take the
sudden shock, to his system, where the amount of space, on the Dwarf, was
concerned, compared to Starbug's cramped space, once again, and he had
been, in desperate need of a recharge, more or less immediately! And had
Rimmer, been around, to enforce discipline, onboard, where that smegging
Cat, was concerned, they might not be in this mess, now! And now, there
was only him, and the Cat, and Holly left! Two down, only three left to
go!
Kryten would be ok, thought Lister, if he could just get him to his
quarters,
and on to his maxi recharging unit! But it was too late for Kryten, now,
unless,
he could get the Cat, to help lift and carry him, to his quarters. But
due,
to the
Cat's, present somnambulistic state, that was highly unlikely! Or so
Lister
thought...
But Lister was definitely, NOT prepared to leave poor, dear old friend,
Kryten, all on his own, in a heap, on the floor of the corridor, opposite
his quarters, until help, could be obtained, somehow! Even if he had to
beg Rimmer, on his bended knees, for assistance! He was that desperate,
by now! And he knew full-well, that even Rimmer, wouldn't be prepared,
to leave Kryten, all on his own, just like that! But unfortunately
however,
for the time being, Rimmer, wasn't around, and Lister had, just under two
hours, before Holly was ready, to de-brief them all, about their present
situation, or current predicament (to be more precise!), in the Science
Room...
Fortunately however, unbeknownst to Lister, help was definitely, on its
way! Slowly but surely, the two, very dusty looking, blue coloured,
Skutters: Bob and Madge, came out of the Medi-bay, whistling the theme
tune, to Colonel Bogey, and they were now armed, with a stretcher!
So, Kryten was going to be alright, after all!
But for the moment, Lister was still totally, unaware of that fact. "I
won't
leave you alone, Kryten man. I will get help to you, no matter what
happens!". But that said, Lister didn't sound, all that confident, when it
actually came down to it, at the end of the day. And the tears, were still
pouring down, his face...
In the meantime however, situated, in a very distant galaxy, a very long,
silver space ****p, has suddenly appeared, and a purply coloured, distress
beam signal, can be seen, emitting out, of its radio transmitter, from
both
sides. If anybody, who is reading this Red Dwarf Fan Fiction, has seen,
the old black and white promotion, before the RKO Radio films, or if it
is a lot easier, on those good old brain cells, the old black and white
RKO Radio films promotion, was also used, for the Holston Pills adverts,
in the 1980's, which featured Griff Rhys Jones (of Not The Nine 'O Clock
News, the eccentric Professor in the Vauxhall Car adverts, and more
recently, of the Restoration series, fame), which used to be inserted
visually,
and by sound, over the original male leading parts, in the old black and
white
film shorts, which usually featured, the late Barbara Stanwyck and he
always
addressed her, as Doris), were aired, you will remember, seeing a gigantic
radio transmitter, beaming out, signals, from both sides.
The radio communication signals, that could be seen, emitting out, of the
very long silver space****p, could quite easily be compared, to the old
black and white promotion, before the RKO Radio films, except, that
the transmitter, on the very long silver space ****p, is on a much smaller
scale, and it also has, a futuristicky looking, appearance, naturally!
In the interior of the very long silver space ****p, two large silver
coffins, can
be seen. And just exactly what, is contained, in those two large silver
coffins,
on the very long silver space ****p? All will be revealed, eventually, in
very
good time!
Meanwhile however, back on Red Dwarf, the two, very dusty looking,
blue coloured, Skutters: Bob and Madge, approached Lister and the
unconscious Kryten, with the stretcher, from the Medi-bay, in question.
Upon hearing, their Skuttery like voices, Lister suddenly turned round,
and he gazed, at them, in wonder. The tears were still pouring down his
face, only this time, they were tears of joy and gratitude!
He patted, Bob and Madges's amputeed giraffe like, cobwebby covered,
heads. "Oh Guy's, you've come to the rescue! I don't know, what I would
have done without you!". The two Skutters, had by this time, lowered the
stretcher, so that Lister, would be able, to carefully position, Kryten on
to
it, which would, then enable him, to get Kryten, into the lift, which
would
take
him down, to the corridor, which lead, to his quarters. And therefore, he
could
be linked up, to his maxi recharging unit, via his recharging socket,
which
was a very lethal looking, standard, three-pin adaption cable! Kryten
still
weighed a ton, but fortunately however, it wouldn't take too much, of an
effort, to lift him, from where he was positioned, which was right by the
lift,
anyway. And therefore, it wouldn't be too much trouble, to lift him on to
the
stretcher, that Bob and Madge, had so thoughtfully provided, from the
Medi-bay, for that purpose, when it actually came down to it, at the end
of
the day! 'Why hadn't I thought, of getting a stretcher from the
Medi-bay?',
Lister thought. 'After all, it would have been, the obvious thing, for me
to
do!
I wasn't thinking straight, as per usual! That probably may be due, to me,
not
having any sleep, for the best part of eighteen hours, when all is said,
and
smegging done! Perhaps, that is why I didn't think ahead, a little bit
more,
where poor Kryten, was concerned?!'.
With Bob and Madge's careful assistance, they managed to heave, the
poor, motionless droid, on to the stretcher, which Lister raised, as high,
as it, was possible, for him to do so, especially, as Kryten weighed, a
great deal more, than your average injured human, when it actually came
down to it, at the end of the day! He pushed, what was, by now, a very
heavily weighed down, stretcher, into the lift, and he stated, to the two,
very thoughtful and very caring Skutters. "Come on Guy's', we've got just,
under two hours, before Holly, is ready to brief us, in the Science
Room!".
And with that, Lister pressed the lift button, and the doors of the lift,
closed
together. And he pressed the button, which would take him down, to the
corridor, where Kryten's quarters, were situated, at long last!
It didn't take very long, for the lift to descend, on to the corridor,
where
Kryten's quarters, were situated. Lister pushed the stretcher along the
corridor, into Kryten's quarters, and Bob and Madge followed him, just in
case, their assistance, might be required, at some point, anyhow!
Lister felt very sad, after he had entered Kryten's quarters (originally,
the Cleaning Supplies Cupboard), as he cast his eyes upon, Kryten's spare
heads and his spare hand, on the shelf, that he had made available, when
the time, eventually came, for the poor Mechanoid, to change his head, and
his hands, or any, of his remaining body parts, whenever they had worn
out,
for that matter! But Lister, had got absolutely, no idea, where any of his
remaining body parts, were situated, in Kryten's quarters. And he didn't
really
want to know, where Kryten, stored the rest, of his remaining body parts,
when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But he guessed,
that
Kryten, had more or less, everything, he needed, where his remaining body
parts, where concerned, and that everything, was more or less, in order,
in
his
quarters, anyway. And he suspected, that his quarters, had remained,
exactly
the same, more or less, before they had all set off, on their foolhardy
journey,
to the SSS Esperanto, in Starbug. And that, it probably, wasn't for him,
to
worry
about, for that matter, really!), was covered, by four hundred years,
worth
of
dust. It was a very grotty, dimly lit, little storeroom, where Kryten,
resided.
But it was more than suitable enough, for his purposes, especially, as all
of his
cleaning supplies, were also stored there, as well. And therefore, he had
everything,
that a Mechanoid, could possibly want, when it actually came down to it,
at
the end
of the day!
But the most im****tant thing, that Lister was absolutely, desperate to
locate, was
Kryten's maxi recharging unit. Lister was fully aware, that Kryten had got
a
mini
recharging device, which he tended to use, when he was on Starbug, and
that
was
probably, kept permanently onboard, Starbug, anyway. And besides,
Starbug's
doors, had had a security override, keyed in, by Kryten, and the Cargo Bay
doors,
had also, had a security override, keyed in, by Holly, anyway. And Lister
had
definitely got, no intention of going back, to the Cargo Bay, if he could
help it,
anyhow! There was also, Kryten's ****table recharging unit, which he had
tried
to use, when he had tem****arily, become human, thanks to the
transmogrification
process, by the DNA machine, which was stored, in his quarters, somewhere.
But Lister, definitely wasn't interested, in locating, Kryten's ****table
recharging unit,
or locating, his mini recharging device, for that matter. For now, he was
definitely
interested, in locating, his maxi recharging unit, in Kryten's quarters!
Lister's very tired eyes, suddenly made out, a great big black box, which
also had a back rest, on it, which was a few metres in front of him, and
it
had the appearance, of a very deep and hollow looking, black boxed seat,
which strongly indicated, to Lister, that a certain Mechanoids, posterior,
could quite easily fit into, that very deep and hollow looking, black
boxed
seat! And hanging from a black box, on the wall (which could be compared
in size, to a wall telephone, towards the end of the nineteenth century,
not long, after Alexander Graham Bell, had invented, the telephone!), was
a
very long, recharging socket, with the very lethal looking, standard,
three-pin adaption cable! And Lister, felt very relieved, where that was
concerned, anyhow!And he gathered, that the very deep and hollow looking,
black boxed seat, with the back rest, on it, was merely for Kryten, to
rest
on,
which would easily enable him, to be in a more than, comfortable enough,
position, whenever, he was in the process of being recharged! Lister
shuddered,
as he thought - 'Well more than, comfortable enough, for a mechanoid, I
suppose!', and he failed to see, how the poor devil, could find any degree
of
comfort, whatsoever, with that very long, lethal looking, combination,
stuck
up,
his jacksy! And Lister soon realised, that he had got, no choice, in the
matter,
to be the one, who would be sticking, the very long, lethal looking,
combination,
up his jacksy, when it actully came down to it, at the end of the day! And
this,
would be the very first time, and hopefully, the very last time, that he
would be
forced, to undertake, that Godforsaken task, in question! For the moment,
however, he knew, that he had got, no choice, in the matter, if he wanted
to
get his poor, dear old friend, back online, in the meantime. And so
Lister,
steeled himself, for the task, in hand...
Like everything else in, Kryten's storeroom, and the ****p, for that
matter,
the whole of Kryten's maxi recharging unit, was completely, saturated
with four hundred years, worth of dust. And Lister realised, that he
desperately needed to give it a wipe, so that he could make out, the
controls, at the very least. Fortunately however, Lister located, an old
cleaning rag, in a cupboard, and he gave the maxi recharging unit, on the
wall, a very quick wipe. And in the very dimly lit, little storeroom, he
discovered, that situated, at the top of the maxi recharging unit, that
there
was a tiny black, plastic computer screen, and underneath, that tiny
black,
plastic computer screen, there was a small grey keypad, which mainly
consisted of the numbers:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0,
and a few basic commands, which he could, quite easily make out, which
would soon set things, back in motion, where recharging Kryten, was
concerned, anyhow. And, with the old cleaning rag, he also wiped, the
dust off, the very deep and hollow looking, black boxed seat, with the
back rest, on it, as well.
Lister lowered the stretcher, and with Bob and Madge's help, he carefully,
managed to lift Kryten on, to the very deep and hollow looking, black
boxed seat, with the back rest, on it. And much to Lister's delight, he
seemed to be, quite well positioned, enough, and he didn't topple over,
which was a great relief, I can tell you! So far, so good, Lister thought.
But he had automatically, guessed, that the very deep and hollow looking,
black boxed seat, with the back rest, on it, was ideally designed, so
that,
the 4000 Series Mechanoid, could be, more than comfortable enough, for
recharging, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
Without any further ado, Lister pressed, a button, on the maxi recharging
unit, which had ON printed on it, which Lister naturally assumed, was the
ON switch, which was soon proved to be correct, as the tiny black, plastic
computer screen, suddenly sprung into life. And, on the tiny black,
plastic
computer screen, on the maxi recharging unit, on the wall, which Lister
could just about, make out, in the very dimly lit, little storeroom, the
words,
which were in a green lettering, on a dark background, suddenly appeared.
And with that, Lister, breathed a huge sigh of relief:
DIVA-DROID INTERNATIONAL 4000 SERIES MECHANOID
MAXI RECHARGING UNIT,
Unfortunately however, it wasn't, quite as simple, as all that, after all
the
basic setup, commands of Kryten's maxi recharging unit, came through,
because yet another, green lettered message, suddenly came fla****ng up.
Lister prayed to high heaven, that this wasn't going to take all night. At
the
very least, if he could just about, manage to get an hour and a half's
sleep,
before Holly, was ready to brief them all, in the Science Room, would be
better, than nothing, he supposed...
Fortunately however, the green lettered message, on the tiny black,
plastic
computer screen, was definitely nothing, for Lister to worry about. But it
was going, to be a little bit inconvenient, for him, to say the very
least!
The green lettered message, on the tiny black, plastic computer screen,
read:
THE 4000 SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER REFERENCE: KRYTEN
2X4B 523P, IS NOT LINKED UP, TO THE MAXI RECHARGING UNIT.
IF YOU WISH THE 4000 SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER
REFERENCE: KRYTEN 2X4B 523P, TO BE RECHARGED, PLEASE
FOLLOW, THE NECESSARY INSTRUCTIONS, IN THE DIVA-DROID
INTERNATIONAL 4000 SERIES MECHANOID MAXI RECHARGING
UNIT INSTRUCTION MANUAL, TO LINK UP, THE 4000 SERIES
MECHANOID: CUSTOMER REFERENCE: KRYTEN 2X4B 523P, TO
THE MAXI RECHARGING UNIT.
DIVA-DROID INTERNATIONAL.
At that present juncture, in time, Lister had got, absolutely no idea,
where
Kryten, kept his copy of his Diva-Droid Instruction Manual, even though,
he had seen it once, when he thought, that he was going to have to be
shutdown, for once and for all, by his replacement: Hudzen 10, who had
been, one of the latest high tech, state of the art, next generation of
Mechanoids, which had obviously replaced, the outdated, clapped out,
4000 Series Mechanoid, during the twenty fifth century! (the century, of
Kryten's origin). Fortunately however, Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's,
had
used, their initiative, where saving, Kryten's bacon, was concerned! And
they really had Holly, to thank, for that, when it actually came down to
it,
at the end of the day!
But a fun packed adventure like that, seemed like a lifetime ago, Lister
thought.
At the back of the the very deep and hollow looking, black boxed seat,
Lister suddenly noticed, that the back rest, had got, a very large cavity,
in it. And therefore, Lister, naturally assumed, that the very large
cavity,
in the back rest, had definitely, got a purpose, and that was obviously,
so that the recharging socket, would be connected, to Kryten, for once
and for all!
Lister sighed, and he realised, yet again, that he had got, no choice, in
the matter, but to steel himself, for the task, that now lay ahead, for
him...
He held out, the very lethal looking, standard, three-pin adaption cable,
which was linked up, to the maxi recharging unit, on the wall, and he
manoeuvred it, through the very large cavity, in the back rest, towards,
what he took to be, where Kryten's recharging socket, was situated.
And he knew, that he had definitely, got no choice, in the matter, but to
locate, the poor droids, recharging socket, and link it up, to the very
lethal looking, standard, three-pin adaption cable, for once and for all!
Fortunately however, he soon located, a white plastic square, with copper
looking wires on it, which was positioned on, Kryten's rear end. And with
a great deal of trepidation, he managed to connect it up, to the very
lethal
looking, standard, three-pin adaption cable, via the maxi recharging unit.
Kryten suddenly jerked forward, and to his great relief, Lister heard a
click,
which was a very similar clicking sound, which could be compared, to a
battery powered shaver, being attached, to it's main battery charging unit
(which had originally been invented, during the last decade of the
twentieth
century), except it was obviously, a great deal noisier, into the bargain!
And Lister knew, beyond a doubt, that he had been successful, where
connecting, Kryten, to his recharging socket, was concerned, for once
and for all!
Another message, suddenly appeared, on the tiny black, plastic computer
screen, in green letters.
THE 4000 SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER REFERENCE: KRYTEN
2X4B 523P, IS NOW LINKED UP, TO THE MAXI RECHARGING UNIT.
TO RECHARGE, THE 4000 SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER
REFERENCE: KRYTEN 2X4B 523P, PLEASE KEY IN, THE REQUIRED
TIME, FOR RECHARGING, THE RECOMMENDED MINIMUM TIME,
FOR RECHARGING, THE 4000 SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER
REFERENCE: KRYTEN 2X4B 523P, IS TWO HOURS. PLEASE KEY IN,
THE REQUIRED TIME NOW:
Lister sighed and looked at his watch. He had got an hour and forty five
minutes left, to recharge Kryten, and catch up with some sleep, before
Holly wanted to see them all, in the Science Room. He hoped and prayed,
that the maxi recharging unit, would not reject, the planned amount of
time,
that Lister, wanted to key in, for Kryten. But if that were the case, then
he knew, that he had got, no choice, in the matter, but to key in, the
minimum
amount of time, that the maxi recharging unit, had originally requested,
which
was two hours, minimum! And, if that were the case, Holly would
definitely,
have no choice, in the matter, but to accept, that Kryten, would arrive,
fifteen
minutes later, than everybody else, if it was absolutely necessary! She
would
have to understand, what was best, for Kryten, and that moment, in time,
Holly wasn't around, because she had offlined, for the evening, and Lister
knew, that he had got, no choice, in the matter, but to get Kryten
recharged,
as soon, as it was possible for him, to do so, when it actually came down
to it, at the end of the day!
Lister keyed in: 1.45 (one hour and forty five minutes), on the maxi
recharging units, keypad, and he closed his eyes, in anticipation.
Fortunately however, he needn't have worried, Kryten jerked forwards,
once again, and a message appeared, on the tiny black, plastic computer
screen, in green letters, once again.
Unfortunately however, as far as Lister was concerned, the green lettered
message, was a load of rubbish (For example: It was a very similar
process,
whenever, all of the unnecessary setup programs, that suddenly appear, on
your computer, which are utterly pointless, whenever you finally get
round,
to re-setting, your computer! You could certainly, compare it, to that,
anyhow!), even though, it was merely a matter of routine, where Kryten's
basic recharging commands, were concerned, anyhow.
So just for reference, for all of those, dedicated Dwarfer's everywhere!
The green lettered message, on the tiny black, plastic computer screen,
read:
THE 4000 SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER REFERENCE: KRYTEN
2X4B 523P, IS NOW, IN THE PROCESS OF BEING RECHARGED, FOR
ONE HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES: 1.45.
AFTER THE RECHARGING PROCESS OF: ONE HOUR AND FORTY FIVE
MINUTES: 1.45, THE 4000 SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER REFERENCE:
KRYTEN 2X4B 523P'S, HOUSEHOLD DUTIES, WILL BE ON A VERY
RESTRICTED BASIS, ONLY.
THE 4000 SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER REFERENCE: KRYTEN
2X4B 523P'S, CAPABILITIES, FOR THE LIMITED RECHARGING TIME
OF ONE HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES: 1.45, WILL CONSIST OF:
1. ACCEPTING GUESTS CALLING CARDS.
2. RECEIVING HOUSEHOLDER'S AND THEIR GUESTS.
3. THE RECEIVING OF HOUSEHOLDER'S AND THEIR GUESTS
BELONGINGS FOR PLACING IN THE HOUSEHOLDER'S
STORAGE AREA.
4. MAKING TEA AND COFFEE FOR HOUSEHOLDER'S AND THEIR
GUESTS.
5. THE RETRIEVAL OF HOUSEHOLDER'S AND THEIR GUESTS
BELONGINGS FROM THE HOUSEHOLDER'S STORAGE AREA.
6. WATERING PLANTS AND FLOWERS.
7. ARRANGING FLOWERS.
8. ADDRESSING ENVELOPES AND STICKING STAMPS ON THE
ENVELOPES.
9. RECEIVING HOUSEHOLDER'S PACKAGE DELIVERIES AND
HOUSEHOLDER'S MAIL DELIVERIES.
10. THE LOADING OF THE HOUSEHOLDER'S DISHWASHER.
11. THE UNLOADING OF THE HOUSEHOLDER'S DISHWASHER.
12. PLACING THE HOUSEHOLDER'S EATING VESSELS FROM THE
HOUSEHOLDER'S DISHWASHER, INTO THE HOUSEHOLDER'S
STORAGE AREAS, WHICH ARE AVAILABLE, FOR THAT PURPOSE.
PLEASE NOTE: ANY UNNECESSARY ACTIVITIES. FOR EXAMPLE:
THE HOOVERING OF THE HOUSEHOLDER'S DOWNSTAIRS AND
THE HOUSEHOLDER'S UPSTAIRS AREAS, WILL DRAIN THE 4000
SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER REFERENCE:
KRYTEN 2X4B 523P,
OF IT'S VERY LIMITED BATTERY POWER!!!
THE RECOMMENDED RECHARGING PROCESS, FOR THE 4000
SERIES MECHANOID: CUSTOMER REFERENCE: KRYTEN 2X4B
523P'S, OVERALL HOUSEHOLD DUTIES IS:
TEN HOURS.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
DIVA-DROID INTERNATIONAL.
Lister sighed. 'What a load of old cobblers!', he thought. Kryten was
hardly capable, of receiving guests, when they were three million years,
into deep space and the human race was extinct! All of that, was totally
irrelevant, by now! All that Lister, was really bothered about, was
whether,
Kryten could unconnect himself, from the maxi recharging unit, in his
quarters, after the hour and forty five minutes had passed. And would he,
be capable, of walking out of his quarters, to the short distance to the
lift,
which would take him up to the Science Room, and would he be in a
coherent state, so that he could understand, what Holly had got to stress
to him, and his fellow Dwarfer's, where their present situation, was
concerned? And more im****tantly than that, would he be capable, of
making his way back, to the lift, which would take him back, to his
quarters,
and would he also, allow Lister, help him, recharge himself, to the maxi
recharging unit, for the next ten hours! That was all that, Lister wanted
to
know, where that was concerned, when it actually came down to it, at the
end of the day!.
As Lister resigned himself, to leaving Kryten, to himself, for the next
hour and forty five minutes, so that he could catch up, with a little bit
of his sleep, at the very least, Lister suddenly noticed, on the front of
the big black boxed seat, there was a fairly large black, plastic computer
screen, with massive, green numerals, on it, which was compatible, with
the smaller green numerals, he had only just noticed, on the tiny black,
plastic computer screen, on the maxi recharging unit, which now read, as:
1.43
Lister sighed, with relief. Kryten's maxi recharging unit, operated on the
same principle, as a digital alarm clock/watch. And therefore, it had been
common sense, where operating, Kryten's maxi recharging unit, was
concerned! And as time, was passing by, the numerals on the big black
screen, of the big black boxed seat, were gradually reversing, and they
now read:
1.40
Lister guessed, that the maxi recharging unit, would automatically shut
off, once it had reached, the final countdown, and that it would,
automatically release Kryten, from his recharging socket, and that he
would be more, than capable, of being able to meet up with them all, in
the Science Room, in one hour and forty minutes time, exactly!
'Time for me to catch up, with a bit of shut eye', thought Lister. "See
you
in a bit, man". Lister stated in Kryten's direction, before he activated
the
door, so that he could leave, Kryten's quarters.
The two faithful Skutters: Bob and Madge followed Lister, out of Kryten's
quarters, into the corridor, and he patted, their amputeed giraffe like,
cobwebby covered, heads, once again. And he said - "Thank's Guy's.
You've been a great help. I don't know, what I would have done without
you! I'll say Goodnight, for now. And I promise, that when Kryten is back,
online, I will get him to give you a good polish, and he will give you,
both
a good spraying, with WD40! "You'll look forward to that, won't you?". Bob
and Madge, nodded their heads, enthusiastically to this, in agreement, and
with that, they made their way, back to their own quarters, which were
situated, in one, of the many broom cupboards, on Red Dwarf.
After he had made sure, that the door of Kryten's quarters, was closed
shut, Lister made his way, into the lift, which would take him back, up to
the Officer's quarters, which he shared with Rimmer.
Lister sighed, upon entering his quarters, once again, as he gazed, at all
of the dust...
For the moment, he was far too tired, to wipe the dust off, the absolutely
saturated bedclothes, on Rimmer's bunk. And by this time, he had virtually
no energy left, to climb up, the ladder to his own bunk. And he prayed to
God, that Rimmer wouldn't mind, if he used his bunk, for one hour and
thirty
five minutes, before he was ready, to meet up, with his fellow Dwarfer's,
in
the Science Room...
'After all, desperate needs, call for desperate measures!' Lister thought,
as he set up, Rimmer's motivator, which also doubled up, as a digital
alarm clock. Lister knew how, to divert the hologrammatic settings, to
the manual standard, alarm settings, which would wake him up, in an hour
and thirty three minutes. And without any further ado, Lister climbed on
to Rimmer's bunk. He was still attired, in his, by now, very grubby
overalls,
and he laid his head down, on the very dusty pillow. And it wasn't very
long,
before the adorable, little cherub, was out, for the count, for the next
hour and
thirty minutes!
And now, that Lister has finally managed, to get Kryten back to his
quarters,
carefully assisted, by the two faithful Skutters: Bob and Madge, and he
has
got him linked up, to the maxi recharging unit, in his quarters, which
will
enable
him, to have the re-charging time, that is absolutely necessary, for him,
for the
time being, exactly just what, is their position, with Holly, in the
Science
Room,
with regard, to their present situation, on the Dwarf, where their route,
back to
Earth, is concerned?
And worse even than that, just exactly how on Earth, is Lister going to
face
Rimmer, all over again, in the Science Room, with only an hour and thirty
three minutes, worth of sleep, into the bargain?!
And will Lister, ever get a good nights sleep, and not come to blows, with
the Cat, before they set off, for Earth, once again?!
And exactly, just what, is the significance of the long silver space ****p,
especially, where the radio signal, and those two large silver coffins,
are concerned?!
Find out all this and more, in the next exciting instalment of:
The Alternative Red Dwarf!
My new version of the Alternative Red Dwarf, actually set on the Dwarf, is
now available, for viewing, or downloading, at:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/mainaltreddwarf.htm
If you would like to go directly on to my Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, the
web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/xanadureddwarf.htm
Now available on my Xanadu Red Dwarf Website.
A review of Red Dwarf VIII filmed live at Shepperton
Studios of the 4th of December 1998!
Some new Red Dwarf links on the Xanadu Red Dwarf Links
Website, which includes links to:
Red Dwarf: The Official Website.
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (UK, Eire and Europe).
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (U.S.A, Australia
and New Zealand).
The Craig Charles Online (Official) Website.
The Unofficial Craig Charles Website.
The Unofficial Captain Butler Website.
The Danny John-Jules Fan Club: (Address details only).
Kryten's Homepage.
The Unofficial Chloe Annett and The Unofficial Clare Grogan Websites.
The Unofficial Emile Charles Website.
The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Group and The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Website.
The Josie Pargery Group - Red Dwarf-Fan Fiction.
And on the Xanadu Red Dwarf website, itself, are:
Future Red Dwarf Projects.
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Favourite Episode Guide
has recently, been updated!
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Fact File Website.
A review of the film: Xanadu, and the lyrics for the
theme song: Xanadu by Olivia Newton-John!
A review of the Red Dwarf VII Extended episodes:
Tikka To Ride/Ouroboros/Duct Soup/Possible
unedited material for Red Dwarf VII, plus a review
of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg/The Tenth Anniversary
Smeg Ups/Universe Challenge and The Children In
Need sketch.
The Explanation For The Time Drive in Trans****ting
The Red Dwarf Posse Back To Earth in Tikka To Ride:
(Episode I, Red Dwarf VII), as well as, The Heady
Medieval Atmosphere of 15th Century Space!
A review of the Red Dwarf VIII episodes: Back
In The Red I to III!
Coming up soon, on Xanadu: A review of Red Dwarf VII
by Kevin Blake and Marie Birch and an Additional review
of Red Dwarf VII by Marie Birch!
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/craigcharles.htm
Recently added to the Unofficial Craig Charles Website:
A link has been set up for Suzanne Rhatigan's (Kochanski
Camille) Website.
A Craig Charles Career Profile.
For those of you, who are interested, in my Unofficial
Captain Butler Website, the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/captainbutler.htm
Recently added to the Unofficial Captain Butler
Website:
A link has been set up, for the Captain Pugwash
Website/The Captain Butler Maritime and Non-
-Maritime Incidents Website, informs you, all
about, The Mary Celeste Mystery and just exactly,
how old, Admiral Horatio Nelson, was, when he
lost his arm!
The Captain Butler Good and Evil Pirates Website,
informs you, about, all, that you need to know, about,
Blackbeard, and the renowned legitimate Pirate:
Sir Francis Drake!
And my Captain Butler Fan Fiction: On The Good****p
Lady Captain has been updated!
For those of you, who are interested, in finding out more,
about the late actor Barry Evans, who starred, in the
Doctor series, and Mind Your Language, and not to mention,
the films: Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush, Die
Screaming Marianne, The Adventures of a Taxi Driver,
and Under The Doctor. And Barry also appeared, alongside,
Dick Emery, in the 1981 BBC Comedy series: Emery:
A Legacy of Murder. Then please go to:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/barryevans.htm
For those of you who are interested in the Doctor series,
the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/doctorseries.htm
I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of the Doctor series: Why Do You Want To
Be A Doctor?
For those of you who are interested in Mind Your Language,
the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/mindyourlanguage.htm
I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of Mind Your Language: The First Lesson.
With regard to these reviews, they are incomplete, due to time
constraints, but they are available, for viewing or downloading,
via the appropriate websites, above, and they will always be,
permanently available, for this purpose. And when, they are
complete, it will be my intention, to notify, the various newsgroups,
to whom, they have been posted to, but sincere apologies, for any
delays, caused, anyway, and my thanks, go to all, on alt.comedy.british
who are interested, in my Barry Evans/Doctor series and Mind Your
Language Website's, in the meantime, anyhow! And, it is always nice
to know, that there is more, than enough interest, to make it more, than
worth my while, to keep, those websites going, thank you!
However, I am intending, to do brief plot summaries, of all of the Doctor
series episodes and Mind Your Language episodes, when, I next work,
on my Barry Evans/Doctor series and Mind Your Language websites, as
the reviews, that I am doing, of each episode, are very in-depth, indeed,
and they may, take up, a lot of webspace, in the meantime. And it is
probably, for the best, if I set up, episode Summary websites, in the
meantime, which will be, considerably shorter anyway, and for all fans, of
the Doctor series, and Mind Your Language series, then at the very least,
I have always, got something, that, will give them, something, to keep
them
going, for quite, a long time!
I will also, put up, a short independent notice, for this purpose, as
soon,
as
it is possible, for me, to do so, anyway, especially, as I do get, a lot
of
enquiries,
via email, in general, via the Doctor series and Mind Your Language
series,
from
all over, the world!
More recently, on Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy website, you may be interested, to know, that, there are also links
set up, for The Men From The Ministry Website and a Maid Marian And
Her Merry Men Website (but there isn't very much, on the Maid Marian
website, apart, from the series episode list, and we have got to set up, a
counter status, and a plot summary episode list website, and a picture of
Maid Marian and Her Merry Men, but at least there is now a website, for
the series, at long last!)
But for those of you who are interested in Lynne Guy's General Information
and Classic British Comedy website, then please go to:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/lynnes.htm
On my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British Comedy website,
you will find links set up for:
Our Astronomy website.
The College Of Adult Education in Wolverhampton website.
The I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again website.
The Cats Protection League Headquarters website.
Wildlife Park Kirkcudbright website.
Kevin Blake's: Puzlebox Hobbies and Puzzlebox Business websites.
The Official Website Of The British Monarchy.
Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy website, you can find a web page, which informs you all about me:
Marie Birch!
Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy website.
A message of sympathy for the families of the victims and the
firefighters,
who lost their lives, via the attacks, on The World Trade Centre and The
Pentagon, in the United States of America.
That's All For Now, Folks!
Marie Birch.
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